Jim Putnam - Thinking Through My Fingers

Thinking Through My Fingers - Again

A friend recommended an article in The New York Times.  I read it, and its analysis by another friend.  The Times article brings a - slightly- related thought that I've been reading in Ursula K. Le Guin's book "The Wave In The Mind" [Shambala, Boston, 2004].

I'll begin with the Times article.  First, I recommend everyone read it.  It is important reading to understand some of the strains the Army, and to a lesser extent Air Force and Navy, are experiencing right now.  Once again, our top military leadership seem to be fighting a previous war, and do not understand this one.  As a result, they are losing critical officers and NCOs.  The Times article extensively references an earlier article by Lt. Col. Paul Yingling titled “A Failure in Generalship" published in  the May issue of Armed Forces Journal.

In his analysis of the NY Times article, my second friend says:

Human relationships inevitable tend towards structure and this is always offended by innovation and imagination.  As the structure becomes progressively more rigid it loses its ability to respond effectively to all things "unusual", this is true whether the relationship is between two people or among hundreds of millions. [M., private communication]

I've often wondered exactly how far our armed forces would go in following orders.  At what point would the generals say "No"?  I'm a pessimist, but I believe they are going to be called upon and will follow orders rather than say no.

As I said, I've been reading Ursula K. Le Guin's book.  It's very interesting, covering a wide range of interesting issues.In one essay, she poses the sort of questions that cause me to stop, think, and sometimes recognize myself.  In the essay entitled "A War Without End" she asks:

Are human societies inevitably construed as a pyramid, with the power concentrating at the top?  Is a hierarchy of power a biological imperative that human society is bound to enact?  The question is almost certainly wrongly phrased and so impossible to answer, but it keeps getting asked and answered, and those who ask it usually answer in the affirmative. [page 213]

Le Guin explores why the oppressed, people of color, the poor don't rise up.  She asks and rejects the idea that these are somehow inferior.  What I'm left with, unfortunately, is that the lower elements of the pyramid will likely continue to accept that status.  In other words, if the generals order, the troops move out.  It doesn't matter whether the orders are meaningful in any sense of morality or the US Constitution, they are obeyed.

Between the Times article and Le Guin's words, I wonder whether if conditions become as in my dreams, there will be rebellion or revolution.   I think we will allow ourselves to be dominated.

Strange Dreams

Usually I don't remember my dreams, and that's fine with me.  But for three nights now I've had a very similar dream.  Last night's dream:

We live in a very clean, modern city.  Within the city we are free,and live normal lives, working at our jobs and enjoying the entertainment of movies, sports, and everything available now in a large city.  But we cannot go out of the city.  One girl tried, and "they" caught her and brought her body back on a board and paraded it through the streets.

Most people are completely satisfied.  The city is very nice, with all the modern amenities.
I'm a part of a very small group who is trying to find a way to escape. But we are watched and recorded every moment of day and night.

The other dreams are very similar, not exactly the same, but very similar.  All folk are kept within some sort of boundary.  I have no idea who "they" are, but their monitoring mechanisms are a part of life, and seem to be accepted by everyone.

I don't believe in dreams forecasting either the future or my fears for the future.  It is only the fact that I've had very similar dreams for three nights running that I even decided to write about it.  Perhaps writing them down will change them, or eliminate them altogether.

Re-Cycled

This essay was written September 3, 1999.  I was looking for something else and found it.  I thought that it's worth repeating.  It's absolutely as it was eight years ago.

Empty, Again

Usually, or at least often, when I sit down to write I have an idea about a subject.  This evening I do not.  There are several political events happening that interest me, but nothing I'd like to write about.  Probably, the best thing I could do would be not write at all, but that doesn't satisfy either.

This morning I played golf wit the Fearrington AAA golf group.  I played badly.  We got behind some really slow players, and it took us almost an hour longer to complete our round than usual.  As a result, the heat of midday got to all of us.  When I got home I took a long nap.  After, I read more of "The Wave In The Mind" by  Ursula K. Le Guin, [Shambhala, Boston, 2004].

As I read her essays, I think "There's a subject I could fill a blog with."  But I don't write a note to remind me, and when I sit here I can't think of it.  The lesson is to make brief notes as I read.  And I suppose I'll resume doing that.  I did for a while, but let it slip a few days, and suddenly the notebook isn't with me when I need it.

This evening, Marrianna and I got into a short discussion about my parents and how their differing backgrounds made their marriage and our lives very difficult.  I related a bit of family history, trying to explain.  Later, I remembered that I had read an essay yesterday by Le Guin that fits exactly what we were talking about.  I've looked it up, and it's "Fact and/or/plus Fiction." [pages 127 - 140].  She quotes W.S. Di Piero, in the New Your Times Book Review of March 8, 1998:

Remembering is an act of the imagination.  Any account we make of our experiences is an exercise in reinventing the self.  Even when we we're accurately reporting past events, persons, objects, places, and their sequence, we're theatricalizing the self and its world.
[Le Guin, pages 129-130]

I realize that my version of the incident Marrianna and I were discussing is "an act of the imagination."  Likely, any 68 year old man recounting family life when he was 11-12 would be.  I told it as I remember it, but I could see and, to a lesser extent, feel it and words cannot accurately tell the story.

Sitting here (NOT "sinning"), I just fell asleep.  I'm going to take that as a notice that it's bedtime.

Specialist vs Generalist

All my life I've considered myself a generalist.  More, I've never attempted to memorize things.  I've always figured I could find what I want when I needed it.  There was a guy I worked for in the Air Force who had every manual pertaining to our job practically memorized.  I knew the names and numbers of the manuals, and where I could find them if I needed details.

There's no right or wrong in either.  This evening though I am wondering whether there should have been more memorization in my life.  I read an article once by a former prisoner of war.  He said that one of the tools he used to pull himself through the ordeal was poetry he had memorized in school.  I've never memorized poetry.  I'm not a prisoner, but I wish I had some poems stored to pull out and think about.  My wife teases me that I know one or two lines of a lot of songs, but there aren't many complete songs I can sing, and they're mostly hymns.

The origin of this line of thought comes from an essay in "The Christian Century: Faithful Living, Critical Thinking" online magazine entitled "Letting Go Of The Need To Know,"by Gordon Atkinson, who writes the Real Live Preacher blog.  He ends the essay with:

...search for knowledge cannot bear the full weight of human desire, which includes the search for wisdom, serenity and meaning in life. These spiritual pursuits call us to slow down and let go, to accept the limits of our humanity with grace and dignity.

The search and desire for anything can become an unhealthy obsession unless, somewhere along the way, you learn this.

Ironic, isn't it? The human hunger to acquire knowledge is one of the things that sets us apart from other creatures on our planet. We are proud of our knowledge; it defines us in important ways. But we also need grace and wisdom and serenity if our search for knowledge is to have a satisfying ending.

Read the entire essay.

It would be nice to have a library in the mind that could be used to entertain, comfort, enrich, or stimulate.  But, for me, other memories will have to suffice, and I have plenty.  Some, though, would not entertain. enrich, or comfort.  The may and have elicited my Drabble moments.  Drabble was a comic strip in which a guy would once in a while remember some embarrassing, or major mistake in his past, and suddenly grunt in pain or exclaim something out loud.  His family called these Drabble moments, and I've plagiarized the phrase.

I've slipped away from what I had intended to write when I began.  That's a benefit of naming the blog "Thinking Through My Fingers".

"We also need grace and wisdom and serenity."  I wonder if Attorney General Alberto Gonzales will have any of these when he reaches an age to look back.   It seems to me that he doesn't have enough of an introspective personality.  But, I hope he does, and my hope is that he has a long series of Drabble moments, recognizing the mistakes he has made and the havoc he has caused.  I hope he will never be proud of anything he has done, except in his children.  And that is truly a curse; that a person can never be proud of his accomplishments.

Our nation is at the edge of losing its foundations, building new oppressive ones, and Alberto Gonzales is an architect for one wing.  He isn't alone, and may the curse above lay heavy on the consciences of all of them. 

Sunday Evening

Marrianna and I have had a very full weekend.  Though it has been very good, some things had to slip from my schedule, and the blog has been one of these.  Even this evening's post will be abbreviated due to social events.

Saturday we attended a wedding.  If I were the bride and groom, I believe I would be able to look back on this day with complete satisfaction and draw sustenance from friends and family who made it absolutely one of the finest weddings I've ever been to, except my own of course.

This evening we had two neighbors in for dinner, and afterward sat around talking.  They're nice folk, and it is always enjoyable being with them.

I want to indulge myself this evening and relate a very nice and surprising bit at the wedding last night.  At the reception dinner, Marrianna and I were sinning at a table with several of her relatives.  The lady to my left was the aunt of the bride, and Marrianna's cousin.  She turned to me and asked me if I wrote a blog.  Of course I said yes, and she said that she reads the blog. 

She had been putting ideas together, and realized that the Marrianna in my blog is her cousin, and therefore I must be the writer.  I think her saying she reads this blog is perhaps one of the more pleasant surprises I've experienced.  As I told her, I am not aware of how many outside of a small circle of friends read it, and her telling me that she does was wonderful for my ego.

Somehow that makes me feel good, and also gives me an incentive to write more clearly.  As I've been writing recently, my writing skills have been slipping.  I'm not sure why knowing she reads it gives that incentive, but it does.

There has been time for me to read some interesting material today.  It's political, and I'm just not willing to raise my blood pressure to comment further.  I will only link to two articles, one old and one recent, and recommend them to you.

First is an essay by Blue Girl, Red State referring to an article in the Washington Post.  BG/RS makes some very good points.  The second is an older article recommended by a friend.  I had not seen it when it was written in May of this year.  It, too, is interesting, and I wonder why it didn't get more coverage at the time.

With those recommendations, I'll close.

UPDATE:  Spellcheck doesn't catch these errors.  It should be sitting, not sinning.  Since I have a comment, I'll leave it as I wrote it, and hope the update helps.  JMP   

Connecting the Unconnectable

This morning's newspaper had this on the front page.  This afternoon I read this on Real Live Preacher.  This evening I'm trying to make sense of both and their connections.  There is no guarantee that I'll succeed.

I'm aware that some of my friends don't believe in God, and that's OK.  I'm not sure either.  But, RLP has a very interesting account of his inability to grasp the size and complexity of the universe.

<snip>

When I consider the stars and the universe – or more accurately when I consider my inability to consider them – I experience a strange combination of physical, emotional, and spiritual reactions.

First I feel a kind of mild vertigo, the sort of thing that you would expect to feel if you suddenly found yourself in the middle of a shaky rope bridge over a deep canyon. Our world normally feels so big and solid to me, and my place in this world seems entrenched and well-established after 45 years of living. But suddenly, I am a speck of dust in an instant of time so brief that it can’t be measured. My feet feel light, as if I might float off our spinning planet any second. I want to throw myself on the ground and grab two fistfuls of grass for good measure.

My mind reels. Everything seems to be shrinking.

<snip>

He writes of almost unimaginable distances.  The series of emotions those distances and the small, insignificant sun around which Earth rotates is, indeed, mind-numbing.   It is, however, a view of ourselves that gives us some amount of solidly.  After all, we know ourselves.

Then, one reads the newspaper article and discover that we don't really know that.  It's possible that:

<snip>

"... call into question the axiom that everything you are is anchored in your body," said Vilayanur S. Ramachandran, director of the center for the brain and cognition at the University of California, San Diego, who was not involved in the current research.

Instead, Ramachandran said, "what you regard as you is really a transient construct created by the brain from multiple sensory sources." When visual, tactile or other inputs don't line up, he said, the boundaries of self-perception shift." [emphasis mine]

<snip>

We are "really a transient construct created by the brain from multiple sensory sources."  We really are specks in a universe we cannot grasp, and we create, construct, ourselves.  If RLP's mind reels thinking of the universe,  this could reverse spin it.

The connections aren't clear, but they are there.  Getting our minds to grasp the significance of both is difficult, excruciatingly so, but I think it is important that we try.  I don't believe we will ever succeed, but it's important to try.  Without some knowledge of both, we live in a bubble to exclude what we don't understand.

On Writing

Tuesday I wore a T-shirt to the Duke Center for Living (DCL), aka gym, that had a phrase on the front that said "So Many Books, Sol Little Time".  A distinguished looking gentleman, as distinguished as is possible in shorts and a sweaty T-shirt, stopped me and said how true that was.  We talked for a few minutes about reading, and went on our way.

Wednesday, I was again at the gym, as was he.  We passed, sweating profusely, and said something along the line of "I'd rather be reading."  Today, I've spent more time reading Ursula K. Le Guin's "The Wave In The Mind", [Shambala, Boston, 2004].  According to  a Literary Journal,

In this collection of essays, organized into thematic categories (e.g., "Personal Matters," "Readings," "Discussions and Opinions," and "On Writing"), she explores a variety of subjects through personal vignettes that give insight into her values. The essays also provide perceptive literary criticism on works by a wide range of authors, from Jorge Luis Borges to Mark Twain; incisive comments on fiction vs. nonfiction; and discussion of gender, beauty, literacy, privilege, and the writer's role and character. Le Guin is invariably thoughtful; she engages and challenges her readers' minds and values while exploring her own voice and modeling good prose style.

I submit that is an understatement.  These aren't so much essays as they are speeches, and for me, less speeches than conversation.  Many of them are speeches she has given.  She talks to her audience with warmth and clarity, and it shows even when the words are now printed. 

It occurs to me that I should be reading less books on writing, and write.  On my shelves are several books on writing.  I've read them all more than once.  Have they changed the way I write?  Not so much that you can tell.  My recent exercise in editing tells me that I've become sloppy, using far more words than are necessary.  Le Guin says:

Before you start writing, neither the story or the reader exists, and the only thing you have to trust is yourself.  And the only way you can come to trust in yourself as a writer is to write.  To commit yourself to that craft.  To be writing, to have written, to work on writing, to plan to write.  To read, to write, to practice your trade, to learn your job, until you know something about it, and know you know something about it. [Page 223]

I enjoy blogging,  But it cannot be compared to learning to trust myself when writing.  Putting words on a screen, even when well thought out, is not writing.  Blogging, at least as I do it, is not writing, not in the  sense that a story, essay or thesis is writing.  It is more akin to friends sitting on a porch talking about whatever comes to mind.  There is very little editing, and that may be good for this purpose.  It expands the possibility of one sentence or phrase sparking another thought.

It's obvious that Ursula K. Le Guin has been on my mind for a large part of the day.  Throughout her book are nuggets of activism and philosophy.  They're usually one or two short sentences, with great depth.  For instance:

If human beings hated injustice and inequality as we say we do and think we do, would any of the Great Empires and High Civilisations have lasted fifteen minutes?

If we Americans hated injustice and inequality as passionately as we say we do, would any person in this country  lack enough to eat? [page 215]

Writing cannot be separated from living.  The writer is often the first to illuminate an injustice, corruption, and, thankfully, peacemakers.  To ask the necessary questions.  I don't expect to ever be the writer who first turns shines a candle in a dark room, but perhaps I'll be able to carry the torch.

Learning About Writing

Yesterday's blog post, "Highs and Lows For The Day", was written sort of in the moment.  There was some slight editing, but very little.  It gathered some positive comments, both on the post, and privately.  I decided to use it as a Letter to the Editor of our local newspaper, The Raleigh News and Observer.

When I went to their website this morning, I discovered that their letters are limited to 200 words.  My blog post was almost 500.  By this time, I had convinced myself that it was important that my idea get beyond this blog, so I began editing.

I did it.  There were some difficult decisions, but I got it down to exactly 200 words.  I'm not sure it will be accepted for publication, but the editing process was good for me.  Compare the edited version to yesterday's post.

Can't we design something better than these so-called debates, with 30 second sound bite answers?  It’s unfair to the minor candidates, and to the public, giving a false sense of an impartation of knowledge without nuances. 

I suggest 30 minutes, without commercials, for a panel questioning one candidate.  All candidates’ sessions would be taped and available on internet simultaneously. That allows only that candidates’ position, unable to critique another.  A crawler shows the candidate’s web site.

Provide the candidate three questions ahead of the session, the others completely without foreknowledge.  The candidate should have three minutes to respond, and then his microphone turned off.  There could be one follow-up, with two minutes to respond.

The candidate would have sufficient time to prepare for some questions and have his response honed. The expository questions would give the audience a hint of how well the candidate knows his own positions, not simply well rehearsed.  With times strictly enforced, five major questions could be explored.

Three minutes is either not long, or too long if the candidate is trying to bluff the answer.  It's better than the 30 seconds now. A tough-skinned moderator should cut off microphones of candidates who are off topic. 

This is better.  It's concise, and has the same information as yesterday's 500 words.  Plus, I learned that editing is good.

I've been reading a book by one of my favorite authors, Ursula K. Le Guin.  The book is "The Wave in the Mind: Talks and essays on The Writer, the Reader, and the Imagination".  [Shambala, Boston, 2004].  In a chapter titled "A Matter of Trust", she is talking, writing, about writing as a matter of trust.  She says:

I have enormous respect for my art as art and my craft as a craft, for skill, for experience, for hard thought, for painstaking work.  I hold those things in reverence.  I respect commas far more than I do congressmen.  People who say that commas don't matter may be talking about therapy or self expression or other good things, but they're not talking about writing.  They may be talking about getting started, leaping over timidity, breaking through emotional logjams; but they're still not talking about about writing.  If you want to be a dancer, find out how to use your feet.  If you want to be a writer, find out where the commas go.  Then worry about all that other stuff. [pages 225-226]

Blogging is not the same as writing, or to this point is not for me.  It's closer to "therapy or self expression or other good things".  I try to write my thoughts well, but usually there is little editing to be sure that the commas are where they are needed, and not where they aren't, before I post.

I can't honestly say that after today's editing experience I will apply it in all posts.  I will, however, be more aware and hopefully that will transfer to what I write.  I'll not try to condense every post to 40% of the original; I'll just try to write tighter.  Even though this post doesn't show it.

Highs and Lows of The Day

My afternoon and evening have been a roller coaster, with emotions ranging from anger through gratitude.  I shall begin with the gratitude, and probably return to it before closing.

Felix Grant, in his excellent blog The Growlery, links to my post last evening exploring a better way to get a nominee for President.  Hp gives strong support, and I appreciate it very much.  Without getting carried away, and I could in regards to Felix, I appreciate his comments very much.

He then goes on to suggest even another way.  I've known Felix for several years, and we have discussed the Single Transferable Vote (STV) many times.  I think it is a great way to record votes of the people. 

His suggestion for getting our leaders is that we so-called democracies select our leaders by lot.  The more I think about it, the better I like the idea.  It would take some getting used to, but would certainly achieve the gains Felix lists over a very short time.  Read his entire post.

And now to the anger, after some background.  I belong to a group of older golfers here in Fearrington Village.  We are the AAA players, all with high handicaps.  We have a leader who arranges times for us to play at various local courses.  This individual somewhat regularly forwards political messages to all the member of the golf group  Today's forwarded message set me off.

It was a screed about Muslims aim to take over the US, written by a retired Air Force Major General, and really overflowed with fear and hate.  First, about the Major General.  It turns out he was in the Medical Service, and last commanded Wilford Hall Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas.  Medical center commanders aren't usually physicians, but hospital administrators.  Any credibility this person has about Muslims and  their political aims, is very suspect.  I'm probably as well qualified writing about cardiology surgery as he is about Muslims.

A part of the message was that US citizens must be prepared to give up some civil rights in order to win the coming war with Muslims.  Without that, he contends that we will lose the war.  He ends his long, almost six full printed pages, with this paragraph:

Lastly, I wish to add: At the risk of offending someone, I sincerely
> think that anyone who rejects this as just another political rant, or
> doubts the seriousness of this issue or just deletes it without sending
> it on, is part of the problem. Let's quit laughing at and forwarding
> the jokes and cartoons which denigrate and ridicule our leaders in this
> war against terror. They are trying to protect the interests and well
> being of the US and it's citizens. Best we support them.

I fired off a message to our man,

I'm offended.  There are so many ways that this screed offends me that I cannot even begin here.  If I thought being a member of the Fearington AAA Golf means that I have to receive messages like this, I would resign immediately. 

 

Please set up a separate group address for messages such as this, with my name left out.  If that's not acceptable, let me know immediately so I can resign.

He must have received several similar messages.  I am only aware of one.  But he just a few minutes ago sent this:

Hey guys,

 

I didn't mean this as a political statement, just thought that other views were worth reading as I also read and listen to other views. I am also in favor of supporting our troops and bringing them home when the right time arrives. However, as we didn't plan for the aftermath of the Iraq war, we shouldn't repeat the mistake and not plan for the aftermath of withdrawing our troops. Leaving a vacuum there, I think, may not be the best policy in the long run.

 

In the future, I shall not send out any more items of this nature and confine myself to golf schedules and so on.

And to which I say Good!  I think it's BS that he just wanted another view, but I'll let it slide. And his last sentence nearly caused me to send off another message.  I did receive one supporting message from another member of the group, and that was gratifying.

I want to emphasize how riled I was.  Golf is one of the real physical pleasures of my life, and I would hate to give up playing with the group.  But I can, and will, play by myself if necessary.

The day began with golf.  I was part of a threesome of the AAA group, and we really enjoyed ourselves.  The it got better when I read Felix's blog post.  That created a good warm feeling.  And then, wham!  I went from a good warm feeling to the heat of anger.  And now, I'm completing it with a chronicle of how it all happened, and have regained the good warmth.