Whenever I think of the years after meeting Marrianna (AM), I primarily think of people I associate with those years. It has been people, and often groups of people, that have changed my life and helped form whom I've become.
Marrianna and I began attending church together shortly after we met and well before we were married. We chose a small Presbyterian church in Silver Spring, and that, as Robert Frost said, has made all the difference. We formed relationships there that are today to be very important threads in the fabric of our lives.
Possibly the single most important person, other that Marrianna who is a given, in my new life was the pastor at Silver Spring Presbyterian Church (SSPC). Actually, when we first met Margee, she was the "Interim Pastor" as the congregation's founder had recently retired and the congregation was looking for a new person to be their leader.
I'm not able to adequately describe Margee, so I'm not even going to try. She was, and remains a dear friend. She encouraged, actually insisted on, questioning and through the questions opened a completely new, radically different perspective on a spiritual life. I think my growth of my understanding of God and what that understanding is supposed to do in my life began to change with Margee. I still do not fully understand, and am not even sure I believe there is a Creator Being, but I can thank Margee for allowing and encouraging me to question. I still question.
Two related but separate aspects of Margee's leadership were inclusive language, and gay and lesbian rights within the denomination. I became more involved with our congregation's leadership, ordained as an elder and on a couple of committees of the congregation. I learned new ways to speak of God, none of which connoted gender. I also became a leader in opening the congregation, and to a lesser extent the denomination, to gay and lesbian concerns.
Margee asked me if I would like to be a part of a Spiritual Formation group she was starting. She intended it to be six to ten folk who would meet regularly and discuss spiritual issues. I said yes, and the group that formed is the best thing that happened to me. There were seven of us, six women and me. These women and I met together every week for over three years. They changed me. We would open with a quiet meditation. We lay on the floor, holding hands, and meditated. When we broke, it was astounding how often we had very similar meditation thoughts and experiences.
Toward the end of the time we were together, the husband of one of the women joined the group. Two of the women moved away, and the group disintegrated.
Shortly after that group ended, Margee formed another group with a formal leader. This time the group were all men, and the leader was a counseling psychologist. One of the men was the husband from the Spiritual Formation group. We didn't work the same, but the effect was similar. All of us became extremely close. We were more verbal than meditative, which probably says something in itself.
Several of us were undergoing major changes in our lives, which is why Margee thought we needed a professional counselor leader. Carl was an ordained Presbyterian minister, and professional counselor. We paid him a small amount each week, and met at 6:00 AM before each of us would go to work. This group lasted several years also.
My problem was that my career was changing underneath me. I was without a job twice, one time for four months and another for almost six. I don't think I would have survived if it hadn't been for these guys. In fact, the think there is not strong enough. I know.
Another group I was a part of for almost exactly a year was a Pastor Nominating Committee (PNC). Margee was given some land in western Maryland, and decided she would follow her dream and open a retreat center. It was a wonderful opportunity for her, and she develop "Phoenix Rising" over a couple of years. Marrianna and I have been up there several times.
The PNC was responsible for searching for a replacement. There were nine of us on the committee, led by Irma, a remarkable woman. Irma was a natural leader for committee work, and I learned how meetings should be held from her. Among her strengths was organization. She maintained that if a meeting was less than 30 minutes, it probably wasn't necessary, and if it went longer than 2 hours, it wasn't well planned. In over 15 months of meetings, usually twice a week, we had one meeting go longer than 2 hours.
The PNC was assisted by an minister who was the head of a Conscientious Objector Organization in DC. Bill was another important influence on me. He and I discussed my military career, and his organization. At first, I was very defensive, but over time I could open myself to his concerns about the military, and I hope I gave him a perspective about how those of us in the military felt. Bill never, ever said that those of us who served were wrong. He insisted that I see that those that could not serve were not wrong either.
I remember one humorous incident at one of our meetings. Bill didn't attend a lot of meetings, but he was at this one, and I was sitting next to him. He had his Bible with him, as usual. At sometime during our discussion I wanted to look up s Biblical reference. I pulled his Bible over and opened it. It was in Greek. I closed it and pushed it back to him.
Finally, the PNC made a selection. The week that he appeared before the Presbytery, the regional governing body for Presbyterian congregations, I received a job offer in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. I had been out of work for five months, so I jumped at it. I didn't see him installed as Silver Spring Presbyterian Church's new pastor. That ends a period of my life I still cherish, and this issue.