Jim Putnam - Thinking Through My Fingers

Saturday's Bits and Pieces

Friday evening Marrianna and I met a friend who was passing through Raleigh on his way home from a meeting in Morehead City, NC.  I'll use the initial M in place of his name.  Marrianna has been friends with M for 42 years, approximately twice as long as she and I have been married.  We were in Michigan's Upper Peninsula last year for his 69th birthday, and he returned the visit this past May for my 70th.

We had a very good dinner together, and talked over three hours about our families.  I had met M twice, for only a few minutes each time, so we actually have only known each other only since we were at his birthday event last year.  As I told him last night, he has become a friend of mine as well as Marrianna's.  I like, respect, and enjoy being around this man and wish we say him more often.  It was a very, very nice evening, and the food was good too.  It was a new restaurant to us, but we will return there.

After we got home last evening and for an hour this morning, I read as much on the internet as I could about the Ft. Hood killings.  Friends, let me tell you, the reactions available in comments on otherwise sane, responsible news outlets, Time for instance, is enough to convince me that the God of Abraham, Mohamed, the prophets, Jesus, and the Gospels does not exist.  But, that is irrelevant to this blog post.  I've completed that series, at least for this time.

I've written this before, but it applies here also.  A friend told me years ago that when blacks were able to have their scoundrels, race relations would have become equal and normal.  Replace blacks with Muslim and I think blacks will have achieved that level long before Muslims.

What basically is the difference between Timothy McVeigh and Major Hasan?  I read garbage saying that Hasan represents all Muslims, even going so far as to say Muslims should be annihilated.  That is truly sickening.  McVeigh is Christian, or claimed to be and used it as a part of his reasoning.  Should all Christianity be assigned blame for Oklahoma City, April 19, 1995?  The logic is the same it seems to me.  But we are able to separate the religion from the act for McVeigh, but not Hasan.  There is something very wrong about that.

Among the truly tragic consequences of this terrible incident is the possibility of it causing a tear in the fabric of the fabric of the military troops who need each other to be secure as they go about doing the job our nation assigns.  As several troops said on TV last night, "This isn't supposed to happen.  We are a family."  Now, at the time when the family needs to draw together, there may be strained relations.  That is potentially more dangerous than the shootings.

Words are so often weak when needed to convey strong emotions.  Reading the paragraph above, "consequences of this terrible incident" doesn't seem nearly strong enough to convey what actually occurred.  A terrible incident is when I discover an error in a quilt that may require hours to correct.  A terrible incident is a financial loss in the market.  "Terrible incident" doesn't begin to express what has happened at Ft. Hood.

And yet, so many horrific things occur almost daily that words become weak-kneed representations.  A bombing here, a shooting and suicide wiping out a family, another multiple shooting in Orlando - it goes on and on.  Words never seem adequate.  It is, however, at this specific time that words become more important.  We need to use words as what they are, symbols.  Instead of a bomb, or shooting, we need to use words to extinguish our anguish.  I don't know whether it is even possible, but I do know that I had rather see humanity using words than bullets.

On the other side of words, though, is the listener.  Most of us can hear, physically we cannot stop ourselves from hearing.  How many of us listen?  How many of us read and think about the words?  Is it possible that the words float through space and there is no one to listen, no readers?  Both are useless without the other.  Maybe we need to develop better listeners as well as the ability to use words.

Somehow our conversation turned to this blog last evening.  We talked about the discipline of writing regularly, and I tried to justify my recent sporadic posts, using the excuse that I had just finished a short series about what I believe, and wasn't ready to begin anything new.  I do take the title of the blog seriously, "Thinking Through My Fingers."  To me, sitting at the computer and writing is an exercise in thinking.  As I grow older, among my fears is that my thinking ability will deteriorate.  It is only through reading and writing that I exercise my mind to any level.  I hope to renew and strengthen the discipline of writing every day.

Continuing Sunday's Thoughts

Sunday's post ended with this paragraph:

Early in Mark Vernon's article, he says, " ... for all religion's ills, for all its irrationality, religious traditions preserve a way of fife that human beings are poorer without."  That can only be true, it seems to me, if there is an underlying assumption that religion is the only way to preserve that way of life.  I am not ready to accept that assumption.

Having thought about it, I may have been both wrong and too strong.   I seem to have read my own ideas into his statement, and don't know that he was saying it was the only way to preserve that way of life, I am willing to accept Mr. Vernon's statement as true and accurate .  Since according to his article Mr. Vernon is an atheist turned agnostic, he probably did not mean it was the only way.

It's now time to review what I have written about my belief in God.  When asked whether I believe in "the God of the Bible, The God of Abraham, of Mohamed, the Prophets, Jesus, The Gospels - that God" I replied with a single word, "No."  That is true and accurate, but not complete.  However, I am unable to form the words necessary to it to make it complete, at least not in firm, solid positive thoughts.

There is nothing wrong with believing in that God, but for me, if that's all there is, it is simply wrong.  The God of the Bible, of Israel, Mohamed, the prophets and Jesus simply places limits on a concept that must be limitless.  So my answer remains, but is extended to, "No, I don't believe in that God."

I think basically humans need a god, not that there is one.  There have been various ways that need has been expressed over human history.  Whenever I stand on a vista overlooking a beautiful nature scene and know reverence; whenever I hear a magnificent symphony and feel an appreciation for its source; whenever stars blanket the skies and the vast reaches of space impress me with my own insignificance, in these and many more I feel there is more than the physical existence of it all.  But that doesn't mean that there is A God that created it all.  Among other things, it means that we have been conditioned to search for meaning since the times when these powers were assigned to Mother Earth.  And when I attend a Wiccan gathering, I understand a tiny bit more of their traditions.

Having said all that, and aware that more needs to be said, the Christian religion is the way I channel my beliefs of charity, hope, and love.  I don't believe in all its rituals, or even its precepts of Trinity and Resurrection, but I do recognize that it best expresses precepts of compassion that guide my life.  If that sounds contradictory, it probably is.  I don't believe in the Christian God, but do love and enjoy many teachings of the Christian tradition, at least as expressed in part by the congregation and services I currently attend.

I observe, think, and question, and that is enough.  I am not be as good at any of those as I would like to be, but this I know:  The best way to live a fulfilled life is to help others to do the same.  And that returns me to the beginning of this series.

A fully involved, fulfilled life, it seems to me, is likely one in which the person acts from a deep desire, pressing toward a goal that may never be reached, but pressing nevertheless.  And I believe that every person should have the opportunity to live that way.  But what does that actually mean?  Is every person ever free to reach for the goals of his heart, or is that for a minority who have the intellect, time, and resources to do so?  Examining these, and questions that follow them, raise ideas, prejudices, and fears that need to be examined.

I'm sure that I will continue to examine them, occasionally even to find answers.  And that is the best I can either do or hope for.

Sunday Thoughts

I've wanted to write, even sat down several times with the express intention to write, but words didn't flow, haven't even stumbled their way out of my fingers, and therefore thoughts didn't form, and there hasn't been anything to write.

We didn't go to church today.  It was raining, cool, and excellent sleeping weather.  So we took advantage of it, along with the hour gained from the time change, and snuggled in.  When we finally rose, I fixed biscuits and sausage for our breakfast.  By the time we read the Sunday paper, the morning had slipped into early afternoon.

As part of an excuse for not posting, I read the article by Mark Vernon "How to be agnostic" that Ms Heyward recommended in her comment to the last post, thrice in fact.  I've printed it, marking the paper in places I thought most important, and have been trying to write something about it for these past days.  It's an important article, has adjusted some of my thoughts, and I thank Julie Heyward for pointing it out and linking to it.

While the subject is comments, another comment I received has also been very important to me.  It's the second one here.  I am humbled that something I have written has assisted someone to solve an inner conflict, but ... .   I have felt my own inner conflict has been solved several times, and I keep returning to similar, or even identical, questions and conflicts.  For this lady, I suspect she hasn't finally and completely solved her inner conflict either, though that is certainly arrogant for me to say.  My hope is that she, as I, keep returning to the questions and discover that on each level the answers continue to raise questions.  I also hope she doesn't take this wrong, because it seems very arrogant for me to tell her, or anyone, that they do or do not have solution to their own inner conflict.  I would be very honored if she, and anyone else who reads this blog, would continue to comment.

 As recap, that "Tuesday Evening blog post  and the one before it, "Saturday Afternoon," was the beginning of this version of my questions and belief statements.  For me, it began with this paragraph from Saturday Afternoon.

A fully involved, fulfilled life, it seems to me, is likely one in which the person acts from a deep desire, pressing toward a goal that may never be reached, but pressing nevertheless.  And I believe that every person should have the opportunity to live that way.  But what does that actually mean?  Is every person ever free to reach for the goals of his heart, or is that for a minority who have the intellect, time, and resources to do so?  Examining these, and questions that follow them, raise ideas, prejudices, and fears that need to be examined.

From that, I proceeded to:

... The first question, therefore, should be, How strong is that doubt?  I've been having a serious conversation with myself, and it started something like this.

Questioning self:  Do you believe in God?

Responding Self:  What God are you asking about?

QS:  Oh, for Christ's sake, the God of the Bible, The God of Abraham, of Mohamed, the Prophets, Jesus, The Gospels - that God.

RS:  No.

QS:  Well, what God do you believe in?

And as partial answer to that:

I do not believe in a Being that exists throughout the spiritual history of so many people.  I doubt that specific Being exists.  There is not a creative force that set the universe into motion.  There is no Being that demands worship.

I do believe quite strongly that there is a unity of life that unites all persons in a way I can't explain.  I believe there is a connection of people, animals, and earth.  We are all a part of one another in ways that we've either forgotten or have chosen to ignore.

Having read and thought about the article recommended by Julie Heyward,  I have a much more acute understanding of just how ignorant I am in this type of conversation.  I am unable to compare Bertrand Russell and Socrates.  And it shines a bright light on one of my most glaring faults.  When I was a teenager, for some long forgotten reason I decided that I was not going to depend on the knowledge of those before me.  I was going to discover all necessary knowledge for myself.  I didn't read the classics or most other books of the greatest teachers.  I read a lot, but nothing from those shelves.  As a result, I haven't the depth of knowledge they would have given me.  Arrogance is a sign of a stubborn, weak mind, unwilling to learn from the experience of others.

Early in Mark Vernon's article, he says, " ... for all religion's ills, for all its irrationality, religious traditions preserve a way of fife that human beings are poorer without."  That can only be true, it seems to me, if there is an underlying assumption that religion is the only way to preserve that way of life.  I am not ready to accept that assumption.

I have to stop for a while and do some family things.  I hope this post has stepped further along a path that I have no idea where it ends.  In some ways, I hope that it does not.

Community

Felix Grant has a comment to yesterday's post, inappropriately titled "Tuesday Evening"  in which he asks whether he is missing the target.  To the contrary, he is exactly correct, and I am pleased that he has seen a connection that I did not.

Over years, I have been with several religious traditions and some that aren't based on religion as they meet.  I've attended several Protestant churches, Wiccan, Jewish and non-denominational Ethical Society services, as well as large motivational speaker events.  I've also attended concerts by the Gay and Lesbian Chorale.  For me, there is always an emotional charge, regardless of the venue, but I am always a little outside, looking on.

Years ago, the men's group I was a part of took the Enneagram Test.  I was scored as Type 5, The Observer.  Later versions of the Enneagram have renamed Type 5 The Investigator.  And, in doing the research for these links, I also see it named The Thinker.  Having read them all, I believe any of the descriptions are reasonably accurate for me, and they may all possibly explain why I can be comfortable in many situations in which I do not believe in the precepts of the main group but am comfortable and able to observe and learn.

I want and need to return to discussing belief in God, spirituality, and community, but I've run out of time this evening, so I'll leave it here and return tomorrow.

Tuesday Evening

Somewhere around 2:00 PM I told Marrianna I was coming upstairs to the study to write something.  After several beginnings, this is all that's written so far.  I want to begin a set of thinking about spirituality, religion, belief, and non-belief.

Among the side tracks this afternoon was responding to a comment left to the post "Life Follows the Comics."  Margaret, a friend from way back, left a request and a wonderful compliment.  I have followed up with her and hope that we have begun a series, none of which will make it to the blog.

O wanted to begin this series with a set of opening questions that, I think, set the tone for where I hope to go.  As Felix says, it is interesting that I participate in our church's services despite doubt.  The first question, therefore, should be, How strong is that doubt?  I've been having a serious conversation with myself, and it started something like this.

Questioning self:  Do you believe in God?

Responding Self:  What God are you asking about?

QS:  Oh, for Christ's sake, the God of the Bible, The God of Abraham, of Mohamed, the Prophets, Jesus, The Gospels - that God.

RS:  No.

QS:  Well, what God do you believe in?

And there the conversation ends.  I don't have an answer to that, at least not yet one that I can put into words on a page.  I'm not sure that this question is a good place to begin, but it is the one I've been hung on all day.  But, this blog is titled Thinking Through My Fingers, so maybe I'll be able to find an answer.

QS cheats a little.  When asked what God, he responds with a list of traditions of belief.  I do not believe in a Being that exists throughout the spiritual history of so many people.  I doubt that specific Being exists.  There is not a creative force that set the universe into motion.  There is no Being that demands worship.

I do believe quite strongly that there is a unity of life that unites all persons in a way I can't explain.  I believe there is a connection of people, animals, and earth.  We are all a part of one another in ways that we've either forgotten or have chosen to ignore.

Believing that, it seems to me that there are principles that can help me and others to live in such a way that the unity is recognizable.  There is a purpose of religious traditions that goes beyond worship, and is actually more important than worship.  When persons of like mind gather with the common purpose to better understand how to be connected, no matter how they put it together, there is a greater possibility for each to become a part of the whole.  That, as I see it, is actually the purpose of rituals, music, and tradition.

It is time for me to close for this evening.  There is much remaining to be thought through and attempted to understand.  I think this has progressed further than I had any hope.  There remain questions.  I'm sure you have some.  Please ask them in Comments.  Thanks.

Saturday Afternoon

Throughout as much of my life as I remember, and that sometimes seems an diminishing span, I have tried to stay away from Ought.  You know ought, as in: "You ought to do this".  Or its cousin, Should:  "I should do ...".  I've not been overly successful at avoiding either, but among the pillars of my philosophy is that one's actions are best when they are done because of a genuine desire to do so, with no concern whatsoever for ought or should.

 

It seems to me that merely saying "I ought" implies an underlying desire to do something else entirely.  And when I allow others to control my actions through the strictures of "should" I am not being completely honest with myself or those around me.  I cannot equivocally say that my desire to not be restrained by ought or should has been successful, but I've attempted to recognize when I am under their control.

 

A fully involved, fulfilled life, it seems to me, is likely one in which the person acts from a deep desire, pressing toward a goal that may never be reached, but pressing nevertheless.  And I believe that every person should have the opportunity to live that way.  But what does that actually mean?  Is every person ever free to reach for the goals of his heart, or is that for a minority who have the intellect, time, and resources to do so?  Examining these, and questions that follow them, raise ideas, prejudices, and fears that need to be examined.

 

My life stage has provided me the opportunity to do so much more.  Not everything by any means, and mostly because the means aren't there.  Essentially, in terms of mental activity and time to do it all, I have reached a point in life where ought and should aren't necessary.  I can reach for the dreams as never before.  And I haven't taken advantage.  I've seldom reached.

 

Too often I have not done something I want for reasons that, when examined, aren't more than excuses, laziness, or maybe fear of what I would find.  I was recently reminded of one such goal.  Felix, in a comment to a recent blog post said:  "Your reactions to the service and congregation are illuminating, and add to the interest I already feel in your "participation despite doubt".  I've wanted to examine my religious doubts and somewhat incongruent enjoyment of participating in religious services despite doubt, but have just not done it.

 

I intend to step into that pool of wonder, full of questions, doubts, and personal fears, to dive deep, and to write about what I find.  I hope it will come somewhat regularly over the next days or, more probably, weeks.  There is a lot going on around our home, so I make no firm commitment to write every day.  Regularly will have to do.

 

Life follows the Comics

Or perhaps the other way around. 

This morning Marrianna had an appointment to have her hair done, so I took the opportunity to spend some time in used bookstores and quilting fabric stores during that time.  I found an excellent book and bought it that reminded me of how life is so often reflected in the comic strips.  This is this morning's Blondie comic strip.

 

Blondie

By Dean Young


© 2009 Blondie Partnership. This feature is presented with the permission of King Features Syndicate, Inc. and is furnished solely for personal, non-commercial use. Redistribution in whole or part prohibited.

The book I bought was a cookbook:  "Country Baking:  Simple Home Baking with Wholesome Grains and the Pick of the Harvest", by Ken Haedrich [1990, Galahad Books, New York].  I've already read portions of it and think I'm going to enjoy trying some of his recipes.

I often pull one of my cookbooks (I have over a hundred) off the shelf and read through parts.  I only actually use about a half dozen of the books for recipes, but enjoy reading most of them.

Later, I went to the fabric store where I ordered some wrist gloves and bought two swatches of fabric.  The wrist gloves are going to be necessary because I've been diagnosed with beginning carpal tunnel of the wrists, and need the gloves to protect my wrists.  The alternative, I suppose, would be to purchase a $5K sewing machine and stop quilting by hand, but that's not going to happen.

The fabric swatches are for a simple baby quilt for my upcoming grandchild.  This quilt will be for daily use.  I'm planning another, maybe two, that will be more of a wall hanging and not likely to be used daily.

So I had a really interesting morning while Marrianna was at the hairdresser.  I hope your mornings were as good.

Bad Writing Examples

I subscribe to a magazine that I really like, though it truly doesn't have much that applies to me.  It's "Poets & Writers Magazine" [New York].  It is a bi-monthly and someone gave me a subscription as a gift almost two years ago.  I've considered that a compliment since I really don't write poetry much, and the blog and email are my only writing efforts.  I have, however, renewed the subscription.

Usually the articles are interesting.  There is a series or interviews with agents and publishers, and that has been interesting.  This month's issue has a special section about "The MFA" with one article rating MFA programs in the US.  None of these are what I want to bitch about in this blog post.  Though, as an aside, I think any rating of academic programs is suspect at its concept.

The article i want to gripe about is "Beyond Intention: Poetry and the Art of Recklessness".  It is written by Dean Young, whose biography says he has written ten books of poetry, one a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize.  He is the William Livingston Chair of Poetry at the University of Texas, Austin.

If the reader wades through the superfluity of words, there is a very good message.  But the effort is hardly worth it.  Here is one sentence as an example.

Literary theory (reader, you can sleep through this part if you want) along with its successes, particularly in refreshing forms of self-awareness has managed - through powerful critique arising from a consideration of writing as a mode of cultural commodification embedded in often patriarchal, late capitalist, racist biases, and/or the very shifty unintelligibility of signs (zzzzz) - to make us see authorial intention as a form of molestation and indoctrination, or to see the author as merely responding to social pressures like a squeezed rubber duck with the poem as its squeak.

At least he warns us that we can sleep though this part.  It's a good sentence, grammatically correct, but excessively long in my opinion.  I began counting words before I completed reading it.  That isn't the only rambling sentence in the article, just the one I decided to quote.  I am afraid that if I were his editor he would be revising large sections.  The essence of the article, as I decipher it, is in a few sentences or phrases that he actually italicizes for us.

More than intending, the poet attends.

But, poetry can't be harmed by people trying to write it!

Our business is blooming!

The highest accomplishment of human consciousness is the imagination, and the highest accomplishments of the imagination are empathy and the ability to love.

What's there to argue with there?  In my opinion, not a thing, especially the last of those.  But when the essence is obscured by such as the above sentence, these kernels are too easily lost.

I have to give credit to the rest of the issue.  It is full of good writing, interesting people, Jonathan Lethen, Audrey Niffenegger, Sherwin Bitsui and Jonathan Karp for instance.  I learned that the MFA program my niece attended is ranked 13th of the top 50.  There is good writing throughout, which, I suppose, is why this particular article grated so deeply into my senses.  It is so far from the norm.

Sunday

Sometimes life and living are more important than recording it in a blog.  That's my only excuse for not posting since Wednesday.

I've had a very interesting, thoughtful day.  It began with attending service at Davie Presbyterian Church in Raleigh.  Davie Presbyterian is a predominantly black Presbyterian congregation in downtown Raleigh.  Our instructor for the class Exploring Race I've been attending for a month was preaching there and invited the class to be there.  I was one of three who did so.

I thoroughly enjoyed the entire service.  I had not heard Rev. Marcia preach before, but wont miss another chance.  Her sermon was forceful, deep, thought provoking, and interesting.  Thanks, Marcia.

 

I was first impressed with the building itself.  It's on the National Historic Register and quite a unique building.  It's arranged for a much less formal service than most sanctuaries.  The congregation is sort of wrapped around the pulpit in a half-circle, making for more direct eye contact with the preacher and the feel of being more connected to each other.  From almost every point you can see the folk in other sections of the sanctuary.  It reminded me my last church, Silver Spring Presbyterian Church in Maryland, a fully round sanctuary with glass walls almost completely around it.

 

The service seemed much closer in form and feel to the Southern Baptist church I was raised in.  That church, however, was completely white.  The music was even familiar from those days.  There was a call, something I had never heard in a Presbyterian church before.  The people were very friendly, inviting, warm, and they too reminded me of the small Baptist Church I was reared in.  I'd bet that if there was a church pot-luck lunch after the service we would have been invited and made comfortable.

 

Maybe it was because of its familiar feeling to the churches I attended as a child, but I was completely comfortable.  I wonder whether that feeling would be there if I was to become a member there and a regular part of the congregation.  And then, as soon as the thought occurs, I think wondering that is not fair to them.

For me, it's interesting that this black Presbyterian congregation reminded me so much of the large white Southern Baptist congregation of my grade-school years.  It had the feel of home.  It isn't that my current church, University Presbyterian in Chapel Hill, isn't home, but that this one was also.  Is it possible to have two homes?

My concepts of God don't accurately fit either church.  It's easier to push that beneath the surface where I am now than if I were to begin attending there.  The feel of this morning's service was closer to the elemental religion of the Southern Baptist than the sophisticated service of a large Presbyterian service.  Both invite participation in their rituals, and it's the rituals I have problems accepting.  It's easier to non-participate in a large congregation and yet maintain the feeling of fellowship I so enjoy.  It's fellowship and a regular invitation to think that I most enjoy about University Presbyterian.  I don't know those would not be present at Davie or a similar congregation, but it doesn't seem as likely.

It was a very interesting morning, and one that will be with me for a long while.

Home

Marrianna and I had a very good weekend.  We arrived home late yesterday afternoon.  After partially unpacking and quickly checking email, I had to rush to go to the last class of the Exploring Race series of classes being held at our church.  I'll have more to say about that later.

Among the less successful events of our weekend was our attempt to visit a very good friends exhibit of 32 of her painting in the Austrian embassy.  Nina was born in Austria, speaks more languages than I can recall, is a very tall, beautiful blond lady, has lived in DC for many years, and has been a friend for decades.  She is a wonderful artist and even better person.  We knew her work was being shown and since we were already in downtown DC, we decided to go by the embassy to see it.

Getting to the embassy was interesting in itself.  It is located on a cul-de-sac in DC.  The other embassies on the cul de sac were the Egyptian, Israeli, and United Arab Emirates.  Every one of those embassies were cordoned off with concrete protective walls.  It was impossible to just drive up to any of their entrances.  On the other hand, the Austrian embassy was completely open to traffic.  We quickly realized the embassy was closed because there were no automobiles parked in front, but we decided to check at the entrance to see if we could get in just to view Nina's art.  We checked at the intercom, but no luck.  But, we had the pleasure of telling Nina that we tried when we met with her at home Monday evening.

I've been thinking about the different entrances more than I had thought I would.  We parked less than 30 yards from the Austrian main entrance and walked right up and talked with a person on intercom.  It would have been nearly impossible to do the same with any of the other embassies.  Plus, not only were each of the blocking walls a different design, they were all just plain ugly, differently ugly, but still very discordant in an area of the city that was otherwise very beautiful.  They couldn't even agree on blocking walls.

It also seemed somehow right that the UAE, Egyptian, and Israeli embassies were all on the same little cul de sac.  How the Austrian embassy got in that same area would be interesting to know.  It's not as if the embassy staffs could, or ever would, just go over to borrow folding chairs or something for an event.  And what happens when more than one embassy holds some sort of event?  It would be a real mess with traffic and parking.  Entire walls would have to be removed.  That's the kind of situation that I suppose develops from the divisiveness of the world today.

Last evening, driving on my way to the class, I had an ocassion to think about how the class has changed my perspective.  It may have been a small incident, but it was something I would not have thought of before the class.

There was a black man in a pick-up truck stopped at a red light with his right turn signal on.  Traffic was light, and he had lots of room to make his right turn, legal after stopping, but he sat there until the light changed.  Then he turned right.  At first, I thought his turn signal was stuck on right and he was waiting to turn left, but when he turned right it struck me that he could possibly just been operating on a different set of rules.  It's possible that he sat there until the light changed from an internal recognition, a history that driving while black requires a different set of rules.  If he just went on and turned he could have been stopped and possibly charged for some infraction, for instance not having stopped at the light before turning.  A black man has to be more aware of obeying every rule to its letter, where a white man could, and likely would, have rolled right through the turn, without the full stop required.

I may be, am probably, reading more into this than necessary.  The point to me is that I thought of the various reasons he may have just sat there until the light changed.  Until this course, I would have almost automatically muttered something about the idiot driver who wouldn't turn right when there was no logical reason not to.  I think that's positive, and it's almost wholly because of the course.

The course perhaps should change its title.  Exploring Race is too narrow because actually the ideas that the course raises apply to anyone who is 'Other'.  It is a good idea to explore how anyone who is different, whether by race, gender, sexual orientation, religious tradition, national origin, or any 'other,' can be operating from a different set of rules.  And where possible, it is important that we all work together to recognize that.  It surely makes living with one another easier and less stressful.

I've been working on this post since early this morning between going downstairs.  It's not 12:30 PM.  We are supposed to be having new counter tops being installed in the kitchen and it has been a series of comedic errors.  First, the sink was the wrong one, but that was solved reasonably easy.  Now, the counter with the stove and cooktop is not level and need to be adjusted.  That requires more consultation.  The sales person and installation manager are on their way from the store to our home as I write.  Maybe they are also working from a different set of rules.  I know that at one point in my life I would already have lost my composure, told them to replace everything in the way it was originally, and get the H out of my house.  Today, I am reasonably cool, but it isn't a good situation when so many people have to make adjustments.  I'll close now and go talk with them.